Picture: Jebel Shams, Oman, January 2020

The ‘you’ who is drowning, open up!!

Date: 21^st April 2020

"We are same same but different." Though we are made up of the same matter - earth (prithvi), water (jala), fire (tejas), wind (vayu) and space (akasha), we possess varied physiological and psychological differences. These differences result in dissimilarities, which reflect as diverse behaviours, different responses to stimuli, both physically and mentally. Where physical form and its abnormalities have always been well-talked about repeatedly, what we lack is the capacity to acknowledge any degeneration in one's mental shape.

Homo Sapiens of the 21st century, juggle between the directions laid down by their forebearers, and their inherent urge to adapt to the new-fashioned, progressive way of life. The female of the human species who believes in the advanced concept of feminism, and still strives to hold on to the cultural values, often struggles to conquer the dilemma and fulfil her aspirations. Conditioned to live up to the expectations of others for most of their lives and acceptance thereof, they tend to, often, justify their actions and substantiate their viewpoints. Modern men, at the same time, look for better balances to create peace with the changing mindsets of their cohabitants and adapt to new sustainable possibilities.

From subjects of child abuse to innocent targets of body shaming, from cognitive comparisons drawn at a tender age to being exposed to cut throat competitions, from the pressure of right marital age to forced marriages, from being put through the weight of living up to presuppositions post marriage to relationships without consent, from “baby blues” to the admission of not wanting a child, from gender roles in household chores to inequality at work, from crippled friendships to wrecked relationships, from not wanting to marry to seeking a divorce, human species is subjected to innumerous judgments and accusations throughout their being called “life”. Most of these are gender neutral and realization and intensity of these varies across societal setups.

The rising expectations and preformed societal norms of 'how to lead a life' enclose the living souls and their beliefs, making it harder and harder for them to circumvent. While all of us crave for acknowledgment, it is believed, lack of it, does no harm. On the contrary, it is damaging!! It leads to loss of self-worth, underestimation of one's capabilities, underrating the time after the present; which in turn generates the impulse to please others. In the fullness of time, one loses insight and belief in one's ability, tends towards self-criticism and self-isolation, faces the inability to reason and communicate, experiences fear, anxiety, and is short of hopes; This is when sadness creeps in.

This sadness, a lot may think, is just a 'fleeting' state of mind. Conversely, it is the lasting chaos of the mind.

Falling on me is the burden of me,

But not this time at fault is me;

Uncharted by me, as much as by thee,

It is someone unknown to me.

It is the frail, feeble state where one's subconscious mind wants to sleep. It translates differently for people in enormity and form; however, the helplessness is common. One disassociates self from the loved and from the activities that were once gratifying. Food choices change and so does the body; One is false busy and avoids situations. One is lonely in a room filled with people and fakes a smile. One always seeks validation. In times like these, the 'you' who is drowning, open up!!

When one reaches out, what may come across as an expectation from someone to fix, is a mere desire to be heard. For someone to listen without being critical; someone to understand without judgments; someone to sensitize when the evil has taken over; someone to love when one deserves it the least. The 'you' who is able, spot the danger and reach out!! Recently, the 'Live Love Laugh' Foundation in a short film sent out a very pure message - "These days 'I am fine' is a new way of letting someone know there is nothing fine with us. 'Parwaah hai to dobara poocho' #dobarapoocho (if you care, ask again)" and it struck a chord!!

With the societal posture that we live in, it is fair to expect others to heal us. Liberation, however, comes from self-acceptance. What needs understanding by self and others is the intent of healing. Idea is to be able to live up to one's expectations of self, enjoy one's definition of happiness, yet be hopeful of the future and feel accepted. One needs to relieve the soul of the grievances, perfect one's desires and uplift oneself. One needs to feed self with positive talks, breathe and meditate. This 'setting yourself free' must come from within. Healing should be self-enforced. Set small targets and make mini commitments daily. Explore what freedom means to you and embark on that journey. Pour your heart out in poetry or carve your fantasies in sculptures. Splash the colors on canvas or dance through the chaos. Wander simple or push the boat out. Resort to yourself or paint the town red. Backpack #solo or globe-trot with friends #notsosolo.

Nature governs what we are made of, nurture is how we are reared. If you are well - be aware, discern unsound patterns, sense the heaviness, and foster a sense of worth in those who need. If you are the one suffering - be mindful and embrace the pain, resort to therapy, talk to friends or power yourself. But fight the demon, be the light and come out alive!!

                                                                                              -- Akriti Gupta (21st April, 2020)

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